


Nothin’ Like A Rum & Coke Headache

by Zakani_Donovan



Series: Well, That Was A Thing (Good Omens One-Shots) [22]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Human AU, Internal Monologue, Just let Crowley sleep, M/M, Silly, bad comedy, fangirling demons, good omens - Freeform, it’s like my “Little Voices” fic but with two demons, light fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27209053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zakani_Donovan/pseuds/Zakani_Donovan
Summary: Crowley doesn't have a demon on one shoulder and an angel on the other, he has two demons. And sometimes, their back and forth drives him a little insane. For this reason, he tends to ignore them, but sometimes he just needs to get involved. If only to shut them up.The following brief and random conversations are all taking place in Crowley's head. Rum's dialogue will be in italics with bold, Coke's will only be in italics and Crowley's won't have any effects. All dialogue will be in quotes, underlines will be used for emphasis.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Well, That Was A Thing (Good Omens One-Shots) [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1800655
Comments: 3
Kudos: 34





	Nothin’ Like A Rum & Coke Headache

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Usedtobehmc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Usedtobehmc/gifts).



> Context: Something silly, based on usedtobehmc's "Aziraphale The Priest" AU on Instagram and Twitter. 
> 
> In the AU's canon, the little demons are mainly Crowley's emotions. In this, they still are, but they're also a bit more of their own entities.

" ** _Did you see the way he smiled at you?! Grab his hand! Come on! It's right there!_** " Crowley could practically feel him tugging at his ear, trying to get him to look at Father Fell's hand. 

They were having lunch and the priest was chattering on about his favorite book. Crowley would much rather listen to that, not Rum's tempting, but poorly timed idea. Even if the blond's hand was right there, only a few centimeters away. No, after the bit at church, Crowley had promised not to do anything like that without permission. He didn't want Aziraphale feeling uncomfortable around him. So, he scolds the demon instead, as the priest begins to recite his favorite lines.

"Will you calm down? He just looked at me. Nothing meant, just a look."

" _Are you sure?..._ "

"Don't you start too, I'm not grabbing his hand!"

And he didn't, much to everyone's dismay.

" ** _You're no fun!_** " Huffed Rum.

~~~~~

Today Aziraphale had taken up Crowley on that picnic in the park and the little demons were, once again, flooding his mind with plenty of noise.

" ** _Good lord, look at him! How is he so perfect?_**"

Seeing the holy man in anything casual was a lovely sight.

" _He's a literal ray of sunshine._" Swooned Coke.

" _ **Wait, what's he doing?**_ "

Coke gasped. " _No way._ "

Rum squeaked. " ** _He's rolling up his sleeves! He is rolling up his sleeves! Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck!_**"

" _And we thought he couldn't get any hotter..._ " Coke was very much close to fainting.

"Can you two chill?! I'm having enough trouble keeping enough blood above my waist without you two making me think about it!"

" ** _That's a losing battle and all three of us know it, mate._** "

Coke giggled. " _Yeah. Thank Someone you've got that jacket around your waist._ "

"I hate you two so much." Groaned Crowley.

~~~~~

They always have the worst timing. Just as Crowley was drifting off, he hears them start up again.

" _Do you think he dreams about us?_ "

" 'Us'? No. He doesn't see or hear you two, thank fuck for that. Me? I can only hope."

" ** _What if he does? Anathema said something about chemistry._** "

" _And 'almost certain romantic feelings'..._ "

"Yeah, she said 'almost'. Let's not jump to conclusions just yet..."

" ** _What if he says something?_** "

"Something like what?"

" ** _Like 'dear boy, I think I'm in love with you'. What then?_** "

"Mate, could you try making a more realistic scenario?"

" ** _Just go with it._** "

Crowley sighed, almost dreamily. "Well, if he ever says that, we grab him and never let go.”

" _And if he doesn't-_ "

"We don't force anything, we keep our distance. We need to know he wants it as much as us."

" _What if he does, but he doesn't say it because he's just as afraid as we are?_ "

Crowley sighed, turning over. "...Go to sleep, guys. Or at least shut up, so I can..."

Sensing his sudden glumness, they say nothing else for the rest of the night.

~~~~~

" ** _You're sure that you can't let me take over your body?_**" The tiny demon was blowing a gasket once they hung up the phone with Aziraphale.

The priest had spent the better part of an hour venting about some issues he was having at work and they were all upset about it.

Crowley rolled his eyes. "Rum, I don't care how much of a pain that archbishop is to Aziraphale. Is trying to claw his eyes out really gonna do us any favors?"

" _No, he'd just get in trouble because of us._"

"Very good, Coke. Look, I hate him as much as you do. But if we do something to him, Aziraphale might never forgive us. We don't want that, right?"

" _ **No...**_ "

"... _What if we make it look like an accident?_ "

"Coke! Don't encourage us!"

~~~~~

" ** _Ya hear that? He loved it! He actually said he loved it!_** "

"We're right here, we heard."

Crowley had gotten Aziraphale a cute tiny cactus. Low maintenance, very possible that he could keep it alive and the priest absolutely lit up when Crowley had popped over to give him his gift. That angelic smile nearly blinded him fully, but it's doubtful he would've minded that being the last thing thing he ever saw.

" _Did you see the way he looked at us after hugging the little pot? Can this man be any more precious?_"

" ** _If he is, he'll kill us. I can only handle so much._** "

" _Yeah, but what a way to go..._ "

"Are you two done? He's barely left the room to find a place for the blessed plant and you two are squealing up a storm in here!"

" _ **Well, excuse us for getting excited, ‘Mr. Cool’. You have to let us express ourselves when it comes to stuff like this since you won't even-**_"

Coke gasped as the blond walked back towards them. The exited little demon then yanked Rum by the horns to point into Aziraphale's bedroom. Rum gasped in a similar manner, then scurried up to Crowley's ear.

" ** _He put it on his bedside table! He's gonna wake up every day and think of us! It's a sign, it has to be!_**"

For a split second, Crowley gets wholly distracted by this and Aziraphale's concerned face snaps him back to reality. He makes up an excuse about feeling a bit lightheaded and this prompts the priest to take him into the living room to have a quick lie-down, while he made him some tea. All three of Crowley's inner voices kept bickering on whether the cactus' placement meant anything or not. And for a while, Crowley let himself believe that it did.

"I hope you're right..." He thought as Aziraphale came back with the tea.

~~~~~

" _...Do you think he has two angels?_ "

"Fuck's sake, let me sleep!”


End file.
